September 2, 1999
"This question is like asking the chicken or egg question. If I hadn't been "repressed" would I still have chosen women to be sexually attracted to? Who knows? Was I "repressed" because deep inside what I was drawn to was taboo? Again..."
January 27, 2000
"In regard to the abuse question - "Have you been sexually abused? If so do you think there is a correlation between that and lesbianism" --, is that not a debate? One that [] gave her opinion of, [] gave hers, I gave mine.
When I came out to Melissa, the girl from next door, a couple years ago, that was her question to me. She knows me better than anyone, witnessed the abuse first hand and my response to the abuse. I think it was a valid question for her to ask me. She asked because as she put it, she would hate to see me adopt a harsher way of life (lesbianism) if the heart of the matter was the inability to deal with men as a result of my abuse. After openly facing that question, I gave her the answer I gave here and on the other board.
I did not grow up in an environment that even admitted homosexuality, and I was very sheltered. The only experience I have had with the lesbian community has been in the last 4 years. I have read the medical studies, and the religious studies (both for and against homosexuality). Looking back, I can honestly say, I always was drawn more toward the women. But I CAN NOT separate my development/puberty/maturing from the way my father treated me. If I were to grow up without that, I think I would still be a lesbian, yes....but can any of us say with full certainty (especially when, like [] and [], we are re-confronted with are we really this way and why) that if our lives were different we'd still be everything we are?
Our experiences shape us. That was shown in our discussion on racism/prejudice. Those of us that were raised on reservations said the same thing: we will NOT raise our children like we were raised. That is a reaction, an example of an experience that if it had not happened we would be living our lives a little different."