September 2, 1999
"I was a "Missionary Kid", raised in a very strict Protestant home. My father was (is?) obsessed with the power of sexuality and his experiences with it, and in reaction shut his mind even more firmly against anything that he interpreted as "wrong". As "Daddy's girl" and as a natural child, I took as "self evident" anything he said. However, although I have/am constantly re-evaluating MY foundations, I have not hardened myself to the religion my family and my in-laws' families identify with.
I am married and have a three year old son. Sexually, I only prefer women. One of the key people who helped me feel secure enough to confront things that I had always taken for granted (or hid behind), beyond even faith, was my husband. Aside from my childhood friend (with who I am still very close despite distance and sexual orientation, by the way) my husband is my best friend in the truest interpretation of the word. I love him dearly, and would choose no other to represent the dominant male figure in my son's life. We synchronize like every marriage attempts. Both of us are very "personal space" conscious, and never have had issues with respect, space or money. I couldn't find a better room-mate if I tried. Why go through the hassle, pain, and family misunderstanding of divorce at this time in our lives? What does this have to do with sexual discrimination? In the three years I have been "out" to myself and him, I have met ONE lesbian who didn't throw "bi" in my face or told me go screw myself and him (at acquaintance). It confuses me that people who fight so hard for understanding and individuality can not embrace it if it is different from theirs, whether that is Christian or lesbian."
January 17, 2000
"I was raised on the Navajo rez, didn't have much of a problem there maybe because me and my friends were young enough, but when we moved to LA the Navajo's we were with saw only my extrememly Caucasian skin/hair, and the anglo kids shunned me because I didn't act white, I acted Navajo. Until I met Melissa, I didn't really have any friends after New Mexico. When we moved to Montana and spent time on the Ft Belnap, Kootenia, Colville, Cour d'Alene, and other rez's, again, I was white, so didn't make friends there. Since I was on rez's most of my life, was homeschooled, and was the MK of a logger by trade, my social development has been very sheltered. The hardest thing I have to deal with right now, is learning how to think anglo. I am determined to be professional, to give Isaac the environment I never had - financial security, clean living conditions, an excellent education. To do that I have to be able to express myself in anglo terms, do anglo things, learn the anglo way. I still have a real hard time small talking, and well if I'm going to get anywhere in the corporate world, I had better master it. Or looking people in the eyes. Anyway, so while I don't face discrimination now regarding skin color, I still run into social discrimination occasionally. I think the hardest part was letting go of my Navajo heart, or at least putting it away. The battle is that my people are not my people, either way you look at it. I get homesick...not for the alcholism and abuse and superstitions, but for the thought processes for the meaning of family for the spiritual view points."
"My mom's family is very southern. I am closer to them than I am my folks, and constantly have to listen to tirades about the trash that they have to share Dallas with. It annoys me. But I can't change them. What I can do is choose to raise Isaac around people who love and aren't afraid of their own, special identity, nor the identity of others. "
January 17, 2000
">>The only way to become a better person is to admit your faults, if you don?t you can never move past them. I really hope I haven?t offended anyone by admitting mine. <<
I do have a strong gender prejudice, and I hate stupid people and trashy people.
What I find interesting is that these feelings come from fear and hurt, and when I meet people I usually judge on a case by case basis."